I visited a friend this week who was concerned that he didn't understand "the game", as he put it. I was puzzled. I knew the game he was talking about was our play here on Earth, our experiences, the life line, the sequence of events. I was puzzled because he didn't get it. Here was a person I considered as coming from a position of power, not lack. He said, "It's cruel, this game. My friends of the same age are in positions of power and here I am working on my spiritual issues with no wealth or success. Why must I wait for my time to come? Who is pulling the strings?"
The fact that my friend felt so disempowered saddened me. As we deepened our discussion, however, I was better able to understand where his feelings of victimization came from. My friend had had very close institutional ties, to Church as well as to esoteric traditions, and he'd studied history as well. He struggled with the concept of a benevolent god and felt that his outer life proved the existence of a more vengeful, cruel god. I asked him why he was clinging to institutional structures and archetypes instead of trying to get in touch with his own story. His approach to spirituality was very mental- pulling connections from different stories and trying to thread together his own religion. He grew up with stories and structures; he feels safe within these walls.
He responded intellectually to my observation, agreeing that it made sense, and it was clear to me that this is part of his spiritual ascension process. He needed to get in touch with his own story, his own spirit, free from the constraints of religion or new age theories. But how? I suggested using the violet flame to help transmute feelings of inadequacy that might make him feel too vulnerable to let go of his guarded stories and structures. And I encouraged him to make a decision. To get out of the vibration of the hanged man, or the victim mentality, and choose to concentrate on his spiritual evolution instead of waiting for his wealth and power to "arrive".
I wanted to say to him, "You have a rich inner life, you have supportive parents and a loving wife. You work in an environment with other spiritually aware people. Do you really think you're not in a power position? Do you really define success by the car in your driveway and the zeros in your bank account? Are these really your values, or the values of the society you've grown up in?"
When asked to expand on why he was in a position of "waiting", he mentioned advice he'd received from "shamans" who'd told him that it was only a matter of age before he would see his wealth. I thought this was a dangerous way of looking at things. "Then you're always waiting", I said. You're not in the present fully. You're waiting for some future success. Isn't it time to enjoy the process? Are you so unhappy with yourself that you look to the future to rescue you?"
I had compassion for my friend because I can also remember a time when I was deeply involved with tarot cards and thought my destiny held in someone else's balance. I did not understand personal power, I didn't know that my decisions, that my thought patterns, my values, and how I lived them out dictated my reality. Back then I was in such a position of helplessness that it seemed completely impossible and even cruel to think i was creating a reality where I was depressed, in toxic relationships, in career confusion. So, what made me put the tarot cards away and trust my inner world?
It was time in my process, because one day I felt trapped. I felt limited by what the tarot cards were saying, that part of the story was missing, that I was being conned. If I am such a free spirit, why would I live my life according to the patterns of some esoteric symbols? Until then perhaps tarot was helpful in teaching me how to interpret important events in my life; they taught me to look deeper. But now I had those skills, I didn't need them anymore. Instead I turned inward. And I let go. My mantra before settling into meditation was to be in harmony with my highest will or potential. I trusted that my own inner intelligence would get me there. And in the meanwhile I practised compassion towards myself. I learned to love myself for who I was, and not for some person I was going to become. The process did not fail me because I followed my heart without doubt. I pulled books off shelves that spoke to me, I met with people whose vibrations called out to me. I became a very hardworking student and I learned how to transform unhelpful aspects of my personality. And yes, naturally I had initiations and unpleasant or "difficult" expeirences. I experienced a huge learing curve. So then, is the universe cruel?
We live in a dichotomic world, and it is my belief that both forces of creation and destruction exist for a reason in this Earthly dimension, or else both elements wouldn't exist. What is the purpose then of "negative" experiences, or lower vibrating energies? Lower vibrations are different from love and compassion on the spectrum of All that Is, but who is to say they are "bad"? If "bad" feelings somehow propel us to seek more joy, then indeed they're not useless. If we choose to learn from experiences that test our patience, our perserverence, our spirit, then we should not shun them, but be present with them. These initiations are opportunities to rise to the occasion to change ourselves and our world for the better, so how can they be cruel? In this view, "difficult" events are bounties from the universe, gifts from our Spirit selves to help us embody higher learning capacities. We can be warriors, choosing to extract power from our struggles, or we can remain children, afraid, shy and powerless in the face of discomfort and the unknown. While the ascension path may be bumpy, and at times you may feel alone, know you are partaking in a great story. The story of humanity, in which you are not alone. Chin up!
Love,
Croaker.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Zen in the Winter
Winter is coming. I'm especially sensitive to changes in weather, temperature, and fluctuations in sunlight. The foreknowledge of shorter days and cold, blustery walks has got me feeling prematurely introspective. Smells of candy apples from outside the subway station, the crackle of leaves as I take my daily short-cut through the park and the speed of which the sun sets makes me more aware of the present moment, and takes me away from it at the same time. My senses rush to all past winters as if I'm in a jumbled time machine. I can barely see the sidewalk in the dark. Sighing, I jingle my keys in my pocket and focus on my brogues-one foot in front of the other. Soon it will be too cold to contemplate the red front door to my apartment building.
Winter wasn't always a sad time for me. But the last two years in Berlin were unusually bleak. I was bored at work. I felt bored at home. I felt spiritually disconnected from my creativity and soul family. Now, I can't just expect this winter to be better without making any conscious changes. But what would those be? This week I read something that really struck a chord in Lena's October forecast at http://www.thepowerpath.com/. She says to begin each day with a celebratory ritual. The potential of the day inside your prayer, a connection with the sunrise. Today as a gift of time, of space for creation. What will I do with this day?
Can a ritual like this help me to be more mindful of the stillness and peace in each moment? Is this my remedy for the winter blues?
Already I foresee problems implementing the ritual. Namely, the fact that I'm empathetic and sensitive means that I tend to be buffeted around by my feelings. I can hardly begin to do the dishes unless I "feel like it". While I've recently discovered that these impulses, or 'monkey brain', can be directed using the frontal cortex ("executive brain"), I struggle with this as blood sugar levels, hormones, and astrological aspects come into play. Taking for granted that I will force myself to perform the ritual regardless of whether I "feel like it", what happens if I can't muster appropriate feelings of gratitude and expaniveness to celebrate and co-create the intentions for the day?
I wouldn't call it a ritual, but I've got a process I go through that I conveniently forget about from time to time. I think I forget about it because there is a part of my false personality that likes to wallow in sadness. Sadness has a vibration that I'm well familiar with. It's addictive. But I will share this process to move up out of the lower centres with you because, although your mind may reject it by calling it harsh, it works for me. It's not a very elegant process and it requires a bit of mental dialogue, but I like that it's simple, and you are free to modify it.
The idea is to begin deep into the stillness of myself, beyond the trappings of the false personality with its shame, anger and regret, to the very void that any of us can always access. Just shake everything off and focus. In this place, there is nothing before there is any love or gratitude or expansion.
Once I've found the perspective to "re-program" my thoughts, I'll have a little pep talk with myself. Sometimes I imagine they are the words of a spiritual teacher, "what in my life can I be grateful for?" I start tangibly, beginning with my body. Arms, legs, eyes and ears. Next, I move onto shelter, a job, the fact that I've got furniture and clothes in my flat! Then onto my relationships. I realize that we don't all have perfect relationships, and some of us are unemployed, but bringing your awareness down to things that you take for granted every day will soon get you out of a rut. I imagine children living in war-zones. I imagine mothers taking care of handicapped children. I tell myself, "Do not be spoiled or ungrateful, do not wallow in self-pity. You're not hard done by." Then it's usually only a matter of minutes before I can build momentum and find the peace in my heart that remembers how lucky I am indeed. Sometimes I can only find a shallow feeling of appreciation whereas at others I'm able to go much deeper into expansive gratefulness. That's not the point. The point is just to get you away from lack and despair, or in this case, the winter blues. (I told you it was primitive:)
So, to answer my question whether I'll be able to muster up the feelings I need to create a celebratory morning creation ritual, I believe I'll just heed my own advice and get off the pot: Okay, yeah, winter's coming- icy sidewalks, minus fifteen, razor sharp whipping snow. Things could be worse! I will try the morning ritual and let you know how it works out. What kinds of rituals do you engage in? Be free to leave a comment.
Cheers,
Croaker.
Winter wasn't always a sad time for me. But the last two years in Berlin were unusually bleak. I was bored at work. I felt bored at home. I felt spiritually disconnected from my creativity and soul family. Now, I can't just expect this winter to be better without making any conscious changes. But what would those be? This week I read something that really struck a chord in Lena's October forecast at http://www.thepowerpath.com/. She says to begin each day with a celebratory ritual. The potential of the day inside your prayer, a connection with the sunrise. Today as a gift of time, of space for creation. What will I do with this day?
Can a ritual like this help me to be more mindful of the stillness and peace in each moment? Is this my remedy for the winter blues?
Already I foresee problems implementing the ritual. Namely, the fact that I'm empathetic and sensitive means that I tend to be buffeted around by my feelings. I can hardly begin to do the dishes unless I "feel like it". While I've recently discovered that these impulses, or 'monkey brain', can be directed using the frontal cortex ("executive brain"), I struggle with this as blood sugar levels, hormones, and astrological aspects come into play. Taking for granted that I will force myself to perform the ritual regardless of whether I "feel like it", what happens if I can't muster appropriate feelings of gratitude and expaniveness to celebrate and co-create the intentions for the day?
I wouldn't call it a ritual, but I've got a process I go through that I conveniently forget about from time to time. I think I forget about it because there is a part of my false personality that likes to wallow in sadness. Sadness has a vibration that I'm well familiar with. It's addictive. But I will share this process to move up out of the lower centres with you because, although your mind may reject it by calling it harsh, it works for me. It's not a very elegant process and it requires a bit of mental dialogue, but I like that it's simple, and you are free to modify it.
The idea is to begin deep into the stillness of myself, beyond the trappings of the false personality with its shame, anger and regret, to the very void that any of us can always access. Just shake everything off and focus. In this place, there is nothing before there is any love or gratitude or expansion.
Once I've found the perspective to "re-program" my thoughts, I'll have a little pep talk with myself. Sometimes I imagine they are the words of a spiritual teacher, "what in my life can I be grateful for?" I start tangibly, beginning with my body. Arms, legs, eyes and ears. Next, I move onto shelter, a job, the fact that I've got furniture and clothes in my flat! Then onto my relationships. I realize that we don't all have perfect relationships, and some of us are unemployed, but bringing your awareness down to things that you take for granted every day will soon get you out of a rut. I imagine children living in war-zones. I imagine mothers taking care of handicapped children. I tell myself, "Do not be spoiled or ungrateful, do not wallow in self-pity. You're not hard done by." Then it's usually only a matter of minutes before I can build momentum and find the peace in my heart that remembers how lucky I am indeed. Sometimes I can only find a shallow feeling of appreciation whereas at others I'm able to go much deeper into expansive gratefulness. That's not the point. The point is just to get you away from lack and despair, or in this case, the winter blues. (I told you it was primitive:)
So, to answer my question whether I'll be able to muster up the feelings I need to create a celebratory morning creation ritual, I believe I'll just heed my own advice and get off the pot: Okay, yeah, winter's coming- icy sidewalks, minus fifteen, razor sharp whipping snow. Things could be worse! I will try the morning ritual and let you know how it works out. What kinds of rituals do you engage in? Be free to leave a comment.
Cheers,
Croaker.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Spirituality and Wealth
Physical incarnation introduces the aspect of duality. I came across this quote at www.divinecosmos.com tonight, and what a sweet reminder it was, because it produced this post. There are two ways to address the question of Why We Are Here. As consciousness, or pure Spirit, there is no why. There only is. In my view, the concept of life can only be defined by juxtaposing it with its opposite. In this vein, life is and always was. And once you start trying to decipher whether life sprang from the void, or life always was, you leave the realm of spirit anyhow. To answer the question of what each of us is doing here "on Earth" is to fly far out oneness and analyse, through the ego, what you came here to do.
This week I visited a branding company with the hopes of learning how to attract more business, bought new furniture for my flat as well as a new pair of jeans. In the meanwhile, I've had lots of dreams about people close to me dying, and one dream where I was selfish. I wasn't able to appreciate the meanings of these dreams on a conscious level. But below the surface I was drawn to Wilcock's site where I instantly stumbled across an interpetation of an almost identical dream he'd had a few months back. The message was embarassingly clear: Death of the ego and transformation of negative aspects in preparation for spiritual transformation.
I originally wanted to post this week on Being Honest with Myself, but I wasn't sure what that meant exactly. It was just a working title. I decided, through reading this interpretation and a channeled reading that followed on Wilcock's site, to be honest with myself and not just passively accept, but really look at the messages my dreams were compassionately sending.
If I'm honest with myself on the subject of duality, I've struggled with the idea of wealth. Not with the idea of money, but of wealth. I never used to worry about money; I've always believed that I had the inner resources to be able to get what I needed at the right time. I heard Mick Jagger in my head a few times this week, "You can't always get what you want....but if you try sometime, you find you get what you need." This paradigm has worked for me until now. Mainly because, until now I'd never made any considerable income! Suddenly I am faced with a new paradigm. How do I reconcile having and spending money with being spiritual?
To a spiritualist, the ego is the enemy. It's the software that was installed on our hardware when we arrived. It's the software that we've needed to live in this illusory world, to act on this physical stage. But once you're aware that you are more than your personality, perhaps sitting in a car behind a string of others on the autobahn outside of a sprawling metropolis, you try to find a way to straddle both planes. And you find it's not that easy to be in two worlds at once.
If I focus on making more money, am I egocentric? If I focus on making money for the purpose of having financial security, does this make me fearful, a doubter, unspiritual? Does the fact that I find spending money entertaining reduce me to a 'consumer'? After all, we live in a material world, and these are my 'working years'. I'm not afraid of dying, but I do object to starving or being homeless. I am not amassing millions from my business, but there is a standard of living I find quite agreeable and would like to uphold. Just simply not in exchange for my spiritual values. Naturally, I ask myself whether the energy I expend on attracting new business should be funneled into charity work, and if the energy I lack as a result of working is a detriment to my spiritual practise. In the end, despite the fearful griping of my ego, deep in my heart I know that abundance is a new path for me and that I am simply going through growing pains.
Perhaps my dreams are a friendly reminder not to get caught up in the illusion. Letting me know that I shouldn't avoid spiritual practise, whispering to me to stay friendly, sociable and charitable, and not alienate my friends because I've got dollar signs in my eyes.
If I look at the people I admire, with careers in the spiritual realm, they too have their practises. They charge for their services, because how else would they be able to provide them? We all have, what Karen Bishop calls "our Storefronts", that allow us the luxury of being able to continue our personal transformations and spiritual journeys. Luxury because if we were required to work excessively just to be able to put food in our kids' mouths, there'd be no energy left for exploration, for neighbourly compassion, for peaceful meditations. And sadly, this is what's going on in many parts of the world. Those of us who are lucky enough to find the time for spiritual practise are truly blessed. And so it's almost our duty to keep ourselves going financially so we can continue our spiritual paths with the humble intention of improving our communities and eventually, human collective.
As for spending money, well, there's no judgement, as far as the universe is concerned. I reject feelings of guilt for spending or attracting money; they're not spiritual feelings, but rather some insecurity my ego's latched onto because it's afraid of what transformation will occur once I am free of this struggle. Whether money is circulating or swelling into a nest egg, it is rightfully in my envrionment because it is simply a reflection of my rich, inner life. I love to spread the positivity that is generated through my feelings of wealth, success and fruition, because we all deserve abundance.
Thank you for reading,
Be well,
Croaker.
This week I visited a branding company with the hopes of learning how to attract more business, bought new furniture for my flat as well as a new pair of jeans. In the meanwhile, I've had lots of dreams about people close to me dying, and one dream where I was selfish. I wasn't able to appreciate the meanings of these dreams on a conscious level. But below the surface I was drawn to Wilcock's site where I instantly stumbled across an interpetation of an almost identical dream he'd had a few months back. The message was embarassingly clear: Death of the ego and transformation of negative aspects in preparation for spiritual transformation.
I originally wanted to post this week on Being Honest with Myself, but I wasn't sure what that meant exactly. It was just a working title. I decided, through reading this interpretation and a channeled reading that followed on Wilcock's site, to be honest with myself and not just passively accept, but really look at the messages my dreams were compassionately sending.
If I'm honest with myself on the subject of duality, I've struggled with the idea of wealth. Not with the idea of money, but of wealth. I never used to worry about money; I've always believed that I had the inner resources to be able to get what I needed at the right time. I heard Mick Jagger in my head a few times this week, "You can't always get what you want....but if you try sometime, you find you get what you need." This paradigm has worked for me until now. Mainly because, until now I'd never made any considerable income! Suddenly I am faced with a new paradigm. How do I reconcile having and spending money with being spiritual?
To a spiritualist, the ego is the enemy. It's the software that was installed on our hardware when we arrived. It's the software that we've needed to live in this illusory world, to act on this physical stage. But once you're aware that you are more than your personality, perhaps sitting in a car behind a string of others on the autobahn outside of a sprawling metropolis, you try to find a way to straddle both planes. And you find it's not that easy to be in two worlds at once.
If I focus on making more money, am I egocentric? If I focus on making money for the purpose of having financial security, does this make me fearful, a doubter, unspiritual? Does the fact that I find spending money entertaining reduce me to a 'consumer'? After all, we live in a material world, and these are my 'working years'. I'm not afraid of dying, but I do object to starving or being homeless. I am not amassing millions from my business, but there is a standard of living I find quite agreeable and would like to uphold. Just simply not in exchange for my spiritual values. Naturally, I ask myself whether the energy I expend on attracting new business should be funneled into charity work, and if the energy I lack as a result of working is a detriment to my spiritual practise. In the end, despite the fearful griping of my ego, deep in my heart I know that abundance is a new path for me and that I am simply going through growing pains.
Perhaps my dreams are a friendly reminder not to get caught up in the illusion. Letting me know that I shouldn't avoid spiritual practise, whispering to me to stay friendly, sociable and charitable, and not alienate my friends because I've got dollar signs in my eyes.
If I look at the people I admire, with careers in the spiritual realm, they too have their practises. They charge for their services, because how else would they be able to provide them? We all have, what Karen Bishop calls "our Storefronts", that allow us the luxury of being able to continue our personal transformations and spiritual journeys. Luxury because if we were required to work excessively just to be able to put food in our kids' mouths, there'd be no energy left for exploration, for neighbourly compassion, for peaceful meditations. And sadly, this is what's going on in many parts of the world. Those of us who are lucky enough to find the time for spiritual practise are truly blessed. And so it's almost our duty to keep ourselves going financially so we can continue our spiritual paths with the humble intention of improving our communities and eventually, human collective.
As for spending money, well, there's no judgement, as far as the universe is concerned. I reject feelings of guilt for spending or attracting money; they're not spiritual feelings, but rather some insecurity my ego's latched onto because it's afraid of what transformation will occur once I am free of this struggle. Whether money is circulating or swelling into a nest egg, it is rightfully in my envrionment because it is simply a reflection of my rich, inner life. I love to spread the positivity that is generated through my feelings of wealth, success and fruition, because we all deserve abundance.
Thank you for reading,
Be well,
Croaker.
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